God's Blueprint For Married Couples
Pastor David L. Brown, Ph.D.
Text: Genesis 2:18-25
There is one key statement about marriage that occurs four
times in the Bible. To my knowledge, this is the only statement about marriage
that God includes four times in the Bible. Let’s take a look at this statement
–
Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father
and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Matthew 19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man
leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be
one flesh?
Mark 10:7-8 For this cause shall a man leave his
father and mother, and cleave to his wife; 8 And they twain shall be one
flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
Ephesians 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his
father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be
one flesh.
The outline for this chapter is going to focus on the three
recurring statements in these verses… leave, cleave, and one
flesh. Since God so often repeated these things, once before man fell
into sin and three times after he fell into sin, I believe God’s blueprint for
marriage can be found within these verses.
Outline – God’s Blueprint For Marriage
Leave -- Husbands
& Wives Are Directed To Leave Their Fathers and Mothers!
Cleave -- Husbands
& Wives Are Directed To Cleave To One Another
One Flesh -- Husbands & Wives Are Directed To An
Exclusive One Flesh Relationship
Husbands And Wives Are Directed To Leave Their Fathers and
Mothers!
What It Does Not Mean
- It does not mean you ignore, abandon or forsake your
parents
– Mark 7:9-13 makes that clear that God does not approve of
this! 1 Timothy 5:4 , 8 indicates a special responsibility for children and
close relatives to care for the widows in the family.
- It does not mean that you must make a move away from the
vicinity in which your parents live – "Living too close to parents
at the beginning of a marriage may make it more difficult to leave, but it is
possible to leave your father and mother and still live next door. Conversely,
it is possible to live a thousand miles away from your parents and not leave
them. In fact, you may not have left your parents even though they are
dead." Strengthening Your Marriage by
Wayne Mack, page 1)
What It Does Mean
Once you are married there is to be a fundamental change in
your relationship with your parents. Leaving your parents means…
- The husband-wife relationship is now the priority
relationship
– Your relationship with your parents must now take a back
seat to your relationship with your spouse. In fact, all other relationships
must now be secondary.
It means that you are more concerned about your spouse's
ideas, opinions, and directives than you are of your parents – Some
times there is a power struggle between the two sets of parents. A husband and
wife must be careful that they do not allow the parents to manipulate them.
It means you must not try to change your mate simply
because your parents do not like something about him or her.
It means that you are not primarily dependent on your
parents for finances, affection, approval, council, etc.
Pointers For Parents
Parents, your goal should be to prepare your children to
leave, not to stay. As they advance toward maturity you should train them to be
independent of you, not dependent on you. Teach them to be decision makers and
to manage their money carefully.
Husbands and wives make your mate your best friend, not your
children. Don’t become too emotionally dependent on your children. As your
kids get older be sure to cultivate common interests with your mate. Learn to do
things together and deepen your friendship together. Parents who make their
children "their life" are in for difficult times when they leave the
nest. I’m not saying to ignore your children, but I am saying they should be
second and your spouse should be first.
When your children have married, don’t try to run their
lives! Don’t criticize their spouse. You must allow the husband to be the head
of his home, to make decisions for himself, to look to his wife, not you, as his
helper and his responsibility. You must encourage your daughter to look to her
husband for companionship, encouragement, affection, guidance, etc.
Husbands And Wives Are Directed To Cleave To One Another! The
Hebrew word translated cleave in Genesis 2:24 is dabaq (daw-bak';
1692), which means to adhere, stick or be joined together. The Greek word
translated cleave or join to in the New Testament passages is
proskollao, (pros-kol-lah'-o; 4347), which means to glue to. Marriage glues two
people together!
Look at Mark 10:7-9 For this cause shall a man
leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; 8 And they twain shall be
one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. 9 What therefore
God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. God planned marriage
to be permanent. It is a vow until death do we part! Dr. Wayne Mack says this of
marriage – "Marriage means that a husband and wife enter into a
relationship for which they accept full responsibility and in which they commit
themselves to each other regardless of what problems arise." Marriage is an
irrevocable covenant or contract to which we are bound. God is clear about that.
Malachi 2:14 says; Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been
witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt
treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
(See also Romans 7:2-3; Matthew 19:8-10)
God’s kind of marriage involves a total and irrevocable
commitment of two people to each other in good times and in bad times,
agreements and disagreements, in joy or in sorrow, in sickness or in health.
God's kind of marriage means that people know that they must
face problems, discuss them, seek God's help in them, resolve them rather than
run from them, because there is no way out. They are committed to one another
for life. They must cleave to one another today and tomorrow, as long as they
both shall live. So, work at keeping your marriage strong!
Husbands And Wives Are Directed To An Exclusive One-Flesh
Relationship. Becoming one flesh involves the act of marriage but is more
than just that physical act. Within the bounds of marriage and only within that
boundary the sexual relationship is holy, beautiful and good (see Hebrews
13:4; Proverbs 5:18-19). A husband and wife are a team. Each is to be as
concerned about the other's needs as he is about this own (Ephesians 5:28; Proverbs 31:12 &
27).
God’s Blueprint for Marriage:
Leave, Cleave And
Be One Flesh!
[Adapted From Strengthening Your Marriage by Wayne
Mack]
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